Posted on Thursday, September 24, 2009 by Chuck Fris
Here’s another pattern for your entertainment. Don’t worry, this one isn’t as hard to follow as the last one.
But hey, don’t be getting the wrong “ideal” just yet.
She’s a woman of the Lord, she isn’t a bad person you assholes. I mean between sex and God… what more could she ever want? I mean other than the ability to count, spell, and the common sense to turn off caps lock once in a while.
Posted on Thursday, September 24, 2009 by Chuck Fris
Keep your eyes peeled and you might just notice a pattern. Observe.
Okay first of all, I don’t think you can be good at “dirty thoughts.” I think you can be good at thinking. Well, not this person (obviously), but for those of you wondering, I just wanted to clarify. And second of all, I think if you are bragging about “giving head,” then the *cough cough* analogy takes on new meaning and defeats the purpose of your bragging.
Don’t worry, it does.
Are you all noticing the pattern yet?
You know… I think if you’ve checked off this many things from your skank handbook and still need to use a dating site, then ur doin it rong.
Posted on Thursday, September 24, 2009 by Chuck Fris
I’ll be honest, I dry heaved a little bit after reading that. I know honesty is key, but if that’s your honesty you should probably not say anything at all, or at the very least wait until you have a better status report. And on that note, who in the fuck thinks to use a road map drawn on a marshmallow as their analogy?
Posted on Sunday, September 20, 2009 by Chuck Fris
As you can see, this woman starts off by expressing her disgust in cigarettes. With the abundance of people as there are with that standpoint, I’ll go with it. Cigarettes. Yuck. Gross. But fucking a guy that fucks guys? That’s different. Cigarette’s can cause cancer and all. What’s the worst thing that her situation can cause though? Aids? Pfft. She’s a trooper. Okay, my sarcasm stops here, let’s get serious. We all have to draw the line somewhere. How can smoking be in the no-go zone and your boyfriend fucking another guy be fair play? Who knows, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe me and my girlfriend will find Mr. Right one day and I’ll just be blown away (no pun intended) by how wrong I was… that is of course unless he smokes. I don’t need something like that ruining my day.
Posted on Sunday, September 20, 2009 by Chuck Fris
Well that seems pretty normal. I mean who doesn’t loathe whiskey dick? But wait a second. What was that bit towards the beginning… something about giving menstrual blood to a friend to fertilize plants? Well that seems norm- wait what? Call me crazy, but I think there’s this product out there that you can use to fertilize plants… IT’S CALLED FERTILIZER. I don’t know what this says about this person, but it definitely speaks volumes about the guy that has plants and fertilizes them with his friend’s menstrual blood. To take this epic fail one step further, I decided to google about this topic to see if this is a popular thing. I ended up on a message board. I will be honest; I didn’t make it past the initial post and first comment. I have my own thoughts and opinions (and will possibly say them later), but I’ll let you gather your own thoughts initially.
At this point, what do you say to that? I mean what CAN you say to that? To answer that question, I will end with a quote from a wise man known as Mr. Will Ferrell. “ARE YOU FUCKIN’ HIGH?!”
Posted on Wednesday, September 16, 2009 by Chuck Fris
With a pick up line and conversation like this in her bag of tricks (see: vagina) and god knows what else, I can’t help but wonder why she even needs a dating site at all. At this point all I can really hope for is that her baby finds this when he/she grows up.
If you’re wondering what this poster looks like (for whatever reasons you may have), I must admit that for the sake of humanity I cannot in good conscience post a picture of Captain C-Section. Instead of I have hired a highly recommended sketch artist who has provided us with this life-like representation.
